I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
