I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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