ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There r osticjed everywhere
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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