you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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