hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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