i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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