The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
