When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
