We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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