I am puke
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is wine microwaveable?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
