I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
