I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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