Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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