you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
