i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
