It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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