a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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