Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
