Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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