Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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