they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
