After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
