i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
