OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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