I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I touched a dick in church today
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
