I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
