I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Can I color on your dick again?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
