Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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