Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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