I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
