I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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