I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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