it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
