What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
