I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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