I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
