Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
