I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
