I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
