I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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