we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
