Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize