you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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