we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
