just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
