I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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