I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
