after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
