i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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