If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
