Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im holly from the hills drunk
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
