I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
