Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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