I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
