I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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