im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
me + whiskey = a bad person
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