I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
