please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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