Plan B is the new Plan A
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
