I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
