Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
