note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
