IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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