I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
