so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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