No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
