and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You can't special order awesome
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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