I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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