Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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