Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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