In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
