i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
