So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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