walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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